Friday, January 23, 2009

When Will It End?

I am really, really, really, REALLY sick of Stella crapping her pants. (Dan says, 'Do you really have to say crap?' Yes. When it is a three year old who knows how to go on the toilet but goes in her pants, it is crap. If it is a baby, it is poo or poop. If it is a three year old going in the toilet it is also poo. Sorry if the language is too strong for you.)

She will turn four in May. That is in four months. In four months she will be a four year old that isn't potty trained. I am so frustrated. If it was any other task she was trying to learn I would be a little more relaxed at her delay (stubborness) to catch on. But since it is CRAP I have to wipe up--often so toxic that, I swear, it is singeing my nose hairs--I am losing patience. Probably lost.

Charts and rewards don't work. Bribes don't work. Threats don't work. Abundant praise doesn't keep her motivated. Yelling and being mean and mad doesn't scare her. She won't go commando. She has better success if she is in underwear. Rarely performs if she is wearing a pull-up. She is not afraid of the toilet. Is not afraid to poop in the toilet nor does it hurt or bother her. She has gone in the toilet many times but has no problem going in her pants. I've started making her clean herself up. I stand her in the tub with a box of wipes and a garbage can. She doesn't love or hate this. She just doesn't care.

If anyone has any advice that doesn't revolve around some sort of reward (it doesn't motivate her) then let me know.

11 comments:

amy said...

sorry no help here!

LoGunns said...

I read in an amish book once that they told the little boy that sugar was for big boys and wouldn't give him any syrup on his pancakes or sugar on his oatmeal (even though the other kids got to have some) until he was a big boy and would go in the potty. This idea was a lot better than the other idea they had.... take them outside and spray them down with a hose:( Those Amish mean business! Sorry I don't have any real advice. I know your frustrated now, but she WILL potty train soon.

PamNoyes said...

I have friends that make their kids clean themselves up. Since you already throw her in the tub with some wipes maybe just tell her she has to clean it up. I don't know if this just sounds like more work or not?
When anyone poops in the tub I hose them down in the shower, which my kids hate, so maybe that hosing off thing would work too.
Good luck! Three year olds huh?

Mark and Kim said...

hmm...the only idea i have besides the million you've tried is as soon as she craps her pants, put her on the toilet and make her stay there til she gets some in the toilet. that or hot sauce her mouth (worked for me).

Anonymous said...

Hello Kate,

Mardie gave me your blogsite address and I have been a lurker. But maybe I can come in handy here.
One of my children ( who shall remain nameless) didn't potty train til she was 4 and a half. We were afraid she wouldn't be ablt to go to kindegarten. It turned out she needed to be held down on the potty because she couldn't make herself stay there without me holding her. She was relieved that it eventually happenned, though she screamed during th process, after she said " thank you" ( a lot for a four year old)
Stella sounds different. So my only advice comes fromt the BTDT school of mother's of late trainers. There are many things I could have done differnetly. But not many things make me prouder than having succeeded eventually, and having done it kindly.
You too will eventually make yourself proud by succeeding. So focus on that. Think of what you can do that will make you proud of yourself, and not angry at her. That is what you will remember.
Joan, mom to Carolyn, Molly and Jane

Gina DeMarco said...

Oh, Katie I hear you!!! Our Thomas is 4, and is in the same spot as Stella. He uses the potty when he feels like it! Sorry, I do not have any advice, but know that you are not alone!

Cyndi Rella said...

How CRAPPY! I'm so sorry and this advice is not first hand. It was my neighbor in Vegas. She just decided to stop changing his diaper. Meaning she left him in one for 2 days. She must have shut the door on him in his bedroom. I think it's more funny than practical. OR maybe you can start to potty train Fred now and then you'd at least only have one in diapers. Good Luck!

Heath said...

OOOooohh I'm no good here. All I do is bribe and threat, bribe and threat, beyond that, I draw a blank.

Carrie said...

I don't have any good advice. All of my kids were different, and no matter how hard I tried they didn't "get it" until THEY wanted to. Jimmy has just gotten to that point. Good luck. I feel your pain.

Staci Leach said...

I so hear ya with the stubborn middle child. I had trouble with getting Rosie to stop wetting the bed so, I got her up every night at about 11pm and made her go. After about 3 weeks, she no longer pees her bed at night. Alls I can say is repetition. Make her sit on the potty every 30 min and try to go(around the general time she goes) until she goes in the potty. Then BIG deal it! Repitition is the key! Good luck!

Scott, Andi and Jack said...

Hey, so not looking forward to that. I hate poo. Someone might have already written this..but my mean friend at work said that every time her girl poops the panties she gets a cold shower. Said it worked like a charm.